The Bulimic Homeless Dude...

On Saturday I was walking towards the car with Olivia's carseat on my left hand and my cellphone on the other.
I was talking to a friend.
As I approach my car a homeless guy comes in the parking lot and he's walking towards me.
Ignoring the fact that I am talking to somebody on my cell, he starts talking to me:
"Hey where's the shelter here to get a warm meal and a blanket? The cop told me to go one block east and one block south and it's around here but I can't find it"
I tell my friend I will call her back and tell the dude I'll call the police and see if they have an address.
In the meantime he is giving me the rundown on his life:
"F*ing job got me f*ing laid off and I have no f*ing family and no f*ing place to go, I got no f*ing sleep last night, the f*ing rain made it f*ing cold, I need an f*ing blanket... blablaf*ingblabla"
"Yeah that sucks..."- I try to be sympathetic.
As I am on hold with the Provo Police, waiting for the address, the dude turns a little to his left, sticks his ENTIRE hand in his mouth and starts puking!!!
YES!
Vomit is FLYING out of his mouth and it ALMOST hit me!
EW!!
I was wearing flipyflopies and took a couple of steps back and, in disbelief, watched him for a couple of seconds.
I was seriously frozzen!
Speechless and without speech!
Then he keeps on doing this to himself and I hang up the phone, tell him "hey they're still on hold and I really gotta go, so... good luck" and hurry to my car.

And THIS, my fellow bloggers, is what *I* get when I try to help others!
;)

My First Letter to Olivia

Dear baby girl,

Please learn to speak soon! That way you can tell me it's not a good idea to change your diaper just yet because you still have one GALLON of pee that WILL start coming out just as I lift your bum to put the new diaper under it, hence getting my hands wet, your onesie wet, the new diaper wet, the changing table wet, and your back up to your NECK wet.

So, just let me know when you're ready from now on ok?

Love,

Mommy :)

Done Nesting Yet??

You girls are too nice! Thank you all for the well wishes, what would be made of me without my girlfriends????
I think it was quite timely that I sprained my ankle this week, that way the epidural will make me feel no pain there for a few hours. Hee hee! But it is much much better. I don't think I need crutches anymore...

So I had heard about the phenomenon of nesting, the insane need to get everything clean and ready for baby. I must admit I went through that, for the past months! Trevor and I went through a lot of stuff to decided what would go to DI and what would go to the dumpster. That helped us have a LOT more space in our one bedroom apartment to fit the crib we bought and the changing table that my friend Renatha gave us.

But there is another kind of nesting, the kind that grandmas go through!

Since yesterday my mom has been on this cleaning frenzy where she even washed ziploc bags. I AM NOT KIDDING!!! Here is a picture to prove it:Isn't she funny? :)

Now, here is what Olivia will come home to:

My aunt from Brazil sent these cute frames.

And this is my hospital bag. I am selfish so I am only taking stuff for me: my red pjs, clothes to come back home, socks, toiletries, my camera and Olivia's outfit. I told Trevor and mainha that they can pack their own backpack of stuff they want to bring. I know Trevor has snacks he wants to bring (dry fruit and nuts mix) and we got some snacks for mainha too. Then we'll bring the laptop. And I think that's it!

I still don't know how I feel about hospital visits, but text me and I will let you know. A couple of things is that I would like adults only to visit me, or adults with children that can be restrained on a carseat. The idea of kids running around or being noisy makes me very nervous, all the time, and I bet I'll be more sensitive to that in the next couple of weeks. And no flowers or balloons, I think they're a waste of money especially when allergy season is starting.

Am I being rude? I hope not! I just want Olivia to come to a clean and peaceful environment so she will be a very calm baby, unlike her mommy. Hee hee hee :)

Today we're gonna take mainha out to lunch, she's been cooking (and cleaning!!) for two weeks, she needs a break, don't you think? We're taking her to Zuppas, I LOVE that place!

This is mainha's 3rd trip to UT but of course there's still things to see and do.
Any suggestions on places to eat and/or see with mainha while she's here?

Is My Mom A Witch?

As you know my baby is due on March 14.

My mom was supposed to fly in around the 10th or 12th to try and be here for the delivery.

BUT...

She called me last week to say she has to fly in around the 7th of March because on the 10th of March the moon is changing, it will become full and that means that... baby will be born then!!

So, ladies and gentlemen, I present you my new due date: March 10th. Changed officially by the moon calendar.
Thank you!

When was the last time you thought your mother was very wrong when she was indeed very right?

My Job Makes Me Laugh

Since they closed my department at TNI (the noni juice company), I was moved back to the call center, which is where I started anyway. Because it has been over one year since I was last at the call center, they put me on the "basic" order line, which is relaxed and nice. And even though we try to be professional at all time, sometimes you just have to laugh at the crazy questions you get...

First... Is my name that hard to understand and say???? When I started there I wanted to be more official, and my first name is hard to pronounce, so I went with my middle name - Cyntia (pronounced Cynthia, why not?!). Most people eventually learn to call me Kika though, but here is how I answer the phones there:

Me: Thank you for calling Tahitian Noni International, my name is CYNTIA, how can I help you today?
Caller: Michelle?
Me: Cyntia!
Caller: Oh ok, Michelle?
Me: No, CYNTIA as in C--Y--N--T--I--A!!
Caller: Alright, MICHELLE, I want to place an order...
At which point I give up and pretend to be Michelle. Place the order. Call closes like this:
Me: Well Thank you for calling TNI, have a great day.
Caller: Thanks, Michelle!

OR

Me: Thank you for calling Tahitian Noni International, my name is CYNTIA, how can I help you today?
Caller: Seen-djyah?
Me: CYNTIA!
Caller: Sin-tcha?
Me: No, CYNTIA, as in C--Y--N--T--I--A!
Caller: Ah ok, Tintee-a?
Me: Yes, sure, Tinteea... how can I help you today?

Or we can have fun with random questions:

Me: Thank you for calling Tahitian Noni International, my name is CYNTIA, how can I help you today?
Caller: I want to buy the diapers!
Me: Excuse me??
Caller: DIAPERS! I need to buy them diapers!!
Me: Mam, we are the noni juice company, we sell health products but no diapers.
Caller: Oh really? Ok... (clic)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Me: Thank you for calling Tahitian Noni International, my name is CYNTIA, how can I help you today?
Caller: I have a question about noni tea... will it make my wife's uterus grow back?
Me: Your wife's what???
Caller: My wife... she had surgery and removed her uterus, but she wants to have babies now, I heard noni tea is good for that.
Me: Sir, your wife should definitelly consult a physician about this, it's a medical issue, she's better off talking with a doctor...
Caller: But will the noni tea help?
Me: I am afraid not, sir, I don't know ANY tea that makes a body organ "grow back".
Caller: well that SUCKS!
Me: I'm sorry.
(clic)

Calls like these make me think it's really one of the founders, just bored on the third floor, having some fun teasing us, poor call center agents. I mean... uterus grow back... really? Can't be real! Or can it??

When was the last time YOUR j.o.b. made you laugh?

Grammatically Speaking...

... I know I am not the most fluent foreigner in this country, BUT I do make an effort to speak the best possible, most understandable English I can. I love to read and to learn the English I speak from reliable sources but I also trust that my native-English-speakers friends and family are good sources for my learning.

The other day at work, two tall business men walked in and came to the cashier (my most recent position until further notice). I asked them how their day was going, blablabla, they placed their order and the conversation goes like this, between me and the tallest dude:

Me: Is it to stay or to go?
Him looking and sounding condescendent: "To staaayy?"
Me scared: Yes... as in, are you eating here or would you like your order in a to-go box?
Him still condescendent: Did you say "to stay"? What does that mean?
Me thinking 'are you serious?!: It means "for here", to eat at the restaurant...
Him interrompts me and moves his chin up: Where are you from?
Me getting p.o'd and starting to show: Brazil
Him: Ah that's why! I've never heard "to stay" before.
Me definitely showing p.o'd: Well I have, and as a matter of fact, YOU Americans taught me to say "to stay". Everyone here says it and that is why I say it. So, anyway, is your order TO STAY or to go?

He ordered "to stay."

I spent the ENTIRE day wanting to throw his order on his FACE!
AAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!
Anyway, my fellow Americans, second owners of this beautiful language...

Grammatically speaking, is it WRONG to say "to stay"? I asked the people I work with and my family here, they said "it's fine", but what does "fine" mean? Does it mean it's correct or just understandable? I hear the American workers use that expression all.the.time.

On another note, Mr IamthetallestbusinessmanandthinkIcanhumilliateforeignersinfrontofotherbusinessmanlikeme Dude, next time you come in, I'll be happy to place your order... TO STAY! :P

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And for your enjoyment and delight, pictures of me taken TODAY :

Some people were wanting to see the baby bump, but I don't think I have one yet. Do I? You tell me!
And yes, my hair is darker.
I don't think baby likes it when I lay on my side. I feel stabbing pains around my belly-button... Or is this gas???

Survey: how many weeks were you, moms, when you found out the sex of your baby?