Two Sides

I go to therapy.
And I love it.
I can't say everybody needs it but I will say that everyone can benefit from it.
I love learning about myself and what to expect - or not! - from others and the world around me.

Due to some very recent events in which I tried to offer something to someone and it wasn't received in the way that I would expect, this week we talked about the act of giving, and how there are two sides to it: the side of the giver and the side of the receiver. Even though this sounds obvious, I had never thought about it like that. In my simplistic world, I believe I need to be grateful for everything I ever receive from any and everyone. I believe that beggers cannot be choosers and I don't care if a gift came from Nordstrom or DI, if it is a gift, I am happy with it, for it demonstrates that someone took some time to think about me and, in their capability, attempted to make me happy. I am grateful for that! I am gratefull for the feeling behind giving. So when I am on the other side of the equasion, as a receiver, I do my best to demonstrate that the offer was accepted and appreciated.

Now, have I ever been offered something I didn't like, or need, or want? Sure have, who hasn't?! When I was in Portugal last year I was offered wine about three times a day! Was I rude to these people when I said no? Nope. Trevor and I would say "You know, I imagine this is the best wine in the world as you are saying, but we abstain from alcoholic beverages so we can't have any. Thank you though. We'll try grape juice!" They weren't offended, I didn't feel bad denying the offer, everyone wins. But lets change the scenario here...

Lets say you know someone who is in need of something. A piece of clothing, a ride, a day out in the part, a hug, whatever. You like that person, he/she is, in your opinion, your friend. You come up with a way to provide that person with that thing which he/she needs but when it is time to make the offer, that person denies it because it is not good enough, its not fancy, it's not name brand, it's not their style, they didn't like it... they just refuse right there, on your face, it wasn't what they expected to receive so they won't take it. Is that even acceptable? Why do I have such a hard time with the fact that what I offer, which is always 110% of myself or what I have, might not be good enough to someone else? Why does it hurt? Why does it disappoint me? Why does it make me want to move to Mars???

That, and so many other silly and obvious "things" like that, is why I am in therapy, ladies and gentlemen!
I just don't get it...
As Dr M says, if I do want to continue being a giving person I have to accept that after I complete the act of giving, I have no control over the act of receiving. I need to not be sad or upset or disappointed when the receiver reacts in a way that I don't consider to be right or moral or human or nice. I need to let it go. Either that, or I stop giving at all if I can't handle the other side of the act. How do I do that though? I don't think I would be me if I quit being a giving person. Could I? Should I?

As my first therapist in the US, Dr D.J. would say, every blessing can be a curse. In this case, the blessing would be the inclination to be a giving person. The curse would be the other side of that equastion when the person doesn't show gratitude and that affects te giver....

And here I am, confused, sad, disappointed, tormented.
Do I change me if I can't change the world?
Or do I not change anything and find a way to move to Mars?

I see many more hours of therapy in my future.
Thank you, humanity! And goodnight.