It Gets Better

I'll be honest with you, the first couple of weeks after having Olivia were tough! At the hospital, I rarely wanted to touch her. I kept looking at her and asking myself "What in the world was I thinking? I can't do this! I can't raise a daughter of God! There is no way! What the heck did I get myself into?"

And then there were some things frustrating me. One of them: my milk barely came. I mean, I had drops at a time. At the hospital poor Olivia was hungry for two days because the nurses wouldn't give me formula and I didn't have much to feed her myself. They brought a hospital pump and after pumping for 10 minutes still nothing came out. Nada! On our last night the nurses finally gave me some formula and told me to feed her 10ml at a time. TEN MILLILITERS! That's not enough, but I didn't know it then. My poor baby was still hungry, and I felt guilty.

My doctor told me it could be because of all the stress my body went through with the c-section and all the meds. He said while most moms get their milk by the third day, I might get mine by the fifth day. So when the fifth day came and went and still no milk, I started to freak out. I REALLY want to breastfeed! That was the plan!! I started taking brewer's yeast, mother's milk plus, my mother was making sure I ate 6 healthy meals a day, lots of fluids, I was stimulating, pumping to try to stimulate even more, I was putting Olivia on the breast at every feeding, I saw three lactation specialists and did everything they told me to... but what am I gonna do when my child starts crying because there is nothing there? Am I going to let her starve? I chose not to. Finally this week, her fourth week in this world, I am starting to accept that breastfeeding is not going to happen. My doctor asked me to relax and enjoy Olivia, he said breastfeeding is not supposed to be stressful or depressing for me or the baby and if it doesn't happen... move on. And even though I cried every day for those first three weeks because of baby blues or whatever, and even though I still cry almost every time I feed her a bottle and not my milk, and even though I am crying now... I think this is my first experience as a mom that is showing me that things don't always go as we planned, as we wanted, as we thought would be best. For some reason it wasn't meant to be that I breastfeed my baby, my first baby, and maybe my only baby. It makes me sad, it makes me feel like a bad mother, it makes me wonder what else in the future I won't be able to do for my daughter... I hope not much!

So anyway, I gotta change the subject to stop the tears...

And so those first three weeks went by. I survived them! My mother, again, and Trevor, have been an incredible support. Without my mother here I don't know what I would have done... I really don't! She massaged my feet and legs many times in the day, she spent the nights with Olivia for those first three weeks so I could sleep, she bathed her, she changed her, she cooked and cleaned and made sure I had less and less reasons to cry, and she did make my days a LOT better each day.

And nowadays I feel better. I think my hormones are going back to normal and I am not too emocional anymore. I look at Olivia and can't imagine loving her one ounce more, and then next thing I know she makes a funny face or noise and, there it is, I CAN indeed love her even MORE! It's amazing!

I am sharing some pictures of her cuz she is just so cute! I love her so much! I can't imagine life without my baby girl!

Thank you, friends, for visiting and posting!

All girly on April 4

Loving the couch on April 5

Two weeks check up on April 6

Sleeping like an angel on April 11

Smiling at grandma on April 13

Letting mommy take pics of her on April 16

My Unforgetable Brazilian Baby Shower!

I am just too blessed... and SPOILED!!

Saturday was my Brazilian Baby Shower, fully prepared by my friend Claudia! She handmade the invitations and all the food, most the decoration and also prepared the games and the favors. Amazing! You can not even imagine how HAPPY I am! How BLESSED I feel! How much LOVE I feel for all the people who came and how I missed the ones who couldn't be there! How much more PREPARED I feel for Olivia's arrival because most the gifts were from my registries and were the things that I also needed! My oh my... I just have no words to THANK everyone!

Here are some pictures from yesterday:

On my way to the baby shower.

Helga and Emma pampered me and made me look all pretty!

Some of the decoration.
Who doesn't know I love red?!

Claudia made these posters explaining my history with Trevor

since we met in 2001. I will keep it forever!

Fun Brazilian friends eating Claudia's yummie food!

One of the games we played was Baby Bingo and I had no idea

that girls can go CRAZY when playing BINGO!!!

It was fun! I mainly ate the M&Ms, he he he he

This was the cake and it was AMAZING!

The whole theme of the baby shower was

"Trevor and Kika Productions Announce the Birth of Olivia",

cuz she knows I LOVE theatre.

And the cake was decorated like a stage with the curtains

and it wasBEAUTIFUL and DELISH!

Here are some of my gifts around me,

My friends are so thoughtful and generous!!

The party lasted hours and most the girls had left

by the time we started taking group pictures.

Here I am with some of my beautiful Brazilian girlfriends.

We're pretty even when we make faces! heheheeh

Just having fun :)

And this was all HER fault!

This is Claudia!

I will spend a long time figuring out how to

fully thank her for a wonderful

unforgetably fun afternoon!

Bottom line is, I LOVED all my babyshowers!

They were all full of love and friends, what else could I ask for?

Meninas, eu AMO vocês!

I love you, girls!

* If you moms don't mind, I kinda need some help with my hospital bag. Can you read my next post and give me some insight? Hugs!

Do I really Need All That?!?!?!?!?

I think I need to prepare my "hospital bag" since the ticker up there says I am about 11 days away from my due date. Freaky!

I was looking at some lists of what it's suggested that I take to the hospital. Here is a compilation of two lists from the Pampers Village package I got at Utah Valley Hospital and my book Mayo Clinic Guide to a Healthy Pregnancy:

For Trevor

Insurance information (I am planning on pre-registering too)

Snacks

Swimsuit (what the heck?!)

Change of clothes

Toiletries

Camera or video recorder

For Me!!

Watch to time contractions

2 bed pillows

Lotion/oil for massages

Warm socks

Lip Balm

Hard candy to suck on

Reading material

Paper fan

Picture for a focal point

Back Massager

Heating pack (thought they had it there...)

Nightgown that opens in front (but those are ugly!!)

Robe and slippers

Underwear

Nursing pads

Nursing bras

Toiletries

Hair care and cosmetics

Comfy clothes to wear home

Something relaxing, music or scent

For Baby

Sleeper or undershirt

Receiving blankek and clothes to wear home

Sweater, cap, extra blanket if cold weather

Car seat correctly installed!

Baby wipes

Baby diapers

So, which of these items did you have in your hospital bag? And which items are not on this list but you highly recommend that I take with me?

An Empty Drawer for Baby?

Have you seen The Curious Case of Benjamin Button? I loved it. But one of the most interesting things to me was how his adoptive parents put him to sleep in a drawer when he was a baby. I thought that was hillarious but I've had friends tell me that that was not a 'movie thing,' some people really had to use drawers or other creative sleeping arrangements for their babies.

After much debating if we'd go for the drawer or the shoe box, we actually decided to get a crib! And here is the one we chose, not only because the price was great but because I have friends who have it and really like it:

To see this and other cribs at one of my favorite places, Ikea, click here.

So now we need a mattress, right?

Which one do you recommend?

Obssessed With a Stroller

My brother's baby in Portugal has a Quinny stroller and Maxi-Cozi carseat. It is black and gray. And compact. And easy to push. And easy to set up and put away. And lightweight. And I absolutely fell in LOVE with it!

But WHY does it have to be so expensive? And WHY can't I find any other one that get close to liking?

*sigh*

Doesn't this stroller and carseat SPELL my name, though? I totally see myself with one of those and baby in them... It just says PERFECTION in my opinion!

Any stroller / carseat suggestions and advices are welcome!

So We're Having a...

HA! ...... Aren't you curious?!?!?! :)


Yes, Trevor and I were so sure we were having a BOY!!

We felt it, I knew it was a boy, I already have boy stuff. Then, most people kept teasing us saying things like "if you 'feel' it's a boy, it's probably a girl!"


I thought they were being silly, but they were actually... RIGHT!!


IT'S A G I R L !!


And she is beautiful!! And so loved!! Check it out:



PS - that is not a mole on her right eye, it's her fist... or some other part of her body, he he he



I do have a little problem though...
I am not a fan of pink, or purple, or flowerly or girly stuff... at. all.
What do I do now?!?!

I do love red, it's my FAVORITE color, and it's a girly color, right? I hope so! In the meantime, and not wanting to sound pretentious, if you were planning on sharing your pinkness and/or purply stuff with me, can you give me time to adjust? Does that make sense?? I don't want to be rude to ANY of my friends and/or family but if you know me... you KNOW that I am a tomboy at heart, I will just need to get used to the idea of a barbie world :)

ok I need to sleep! Baby has been so active since the ultrasound, I don't think she liked the dude poking her around and now *III* am paying for it!! but it's cute anyway , hee hee hee


Another PS -- I know I owe you all picts from Portugal! I got back on Friday night, have had a cold since then, am back to work and oh so tired. I will post them as soon as I can, but if you have facebook there are some there ;)