Me is sadly still suffering from one of those: (and wanting to know...)
How long does it take you to heal from one of those?
Where We Live
5 weeks ago
Showing posts with label Depression. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Depression. Show all posts
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Inspiration
Got an email from my Relief Society today and it had this quote:
“The gospel is a thing of joy. It provides us with a reason for gladness. Of course there are times of sorrow. Of course there are hours of concern and anxiety. We all worry. But the Lord has told us to lift our hearts and rejoice. I see so many people … who seem never to see the sunshine, but who constantly walk with storms under cloudy skies. Cultivate an attitude of happiness. Cultivate a spirit of optimism. Walk with faith, rejoicing in the beauties of nature, in the goodness of those you love, in the testimony which you carry in your heart concerning things divine…I am asking that we stop seeking out the storms and enjoy more fully the sunlight”
(from Words of the Prophet: The Spirit of Optimism by President Gordon B. Hinckley).
Isn't this quote just awesome?? Just what I needed. Thank you, sisters! I keep reading it over and over and over again. I need this quote to become part of my being, right.now.
I have a testimony of this Gospel and that "men are that they have joy." I do have many reasons to rejoice and will continue to count my blessings each day! :)
“The gospel is a thing of joy. It provides us with a reason for gladness. Of course there are times of sorrow. Of course there are hours of concern and anxiety. We all worry. But the Lord has told us to lift our hearts and rejoice. I see so many people … who seem never to see the sunshine, but who constantly walk with storms under cloudy skies. Cultivate an attitude of happiness. Cultivate a spirit of optimism. Walk with faith, rejoicing in the beauties of nature, in the goodness of those you love, in the testimony which you carry in your heart concerning things divine…I am asking that we stop seeking out the storms and enjoy more fully the sunlight”
(from Words of the Prophet: The Spirit of Optimism by President Gordon B. Hinckley).
Isn't this quote just awesome?? Just what I needed. Thank you, sisters! I keep reading it over and over and over again. I need this quote to become part of my being, right.now.
I have a testimony of this Gospel and that "men are that they have joy." I do have many reasons to rejoice and will continue to count my blessings each day! :)
Friday, August 14, 2009
How Does She Know?!
Olivia is overall a very cuddly baby. If you have the priviledge and blessing of being around her and hold her, she will hug you, kiss your face and try to eat your hair. I think that's just super cute. But what I think is even cuter is that she knows *exactly* when her mainha (mommy in Portuguese) needs some luving. 
The past couple of weeks have been very difficult for me, but there were three very specific days that were the toughest. On all of these days I arrived home from work just devastated because of some bad news I had during that day, and as soon as I got home Olivia was the ultimate cuddly bug. 
She wouldn't want anything else but for me to hold her, and she would rest her head peacefully and quietly on my shoulder and just stay there for ever. It felt so. good.! How does she know!?
How does she know when I need a hug more than anything else that anyone can give? How does she know that her head on my shoulder makes my sadness and my worries slip away for a delicious moment and makes me so happy? She is an angel from God and I am so grateful for those moments, so grateful for having a baby that knows that her mainha loves her and that makes her feel so loved too!
I love her so endlessly!
Monday, July 27, 2009
The Show Must Go On...
I guess...
My doctor prescribed me Pristiq, which is supposed to help with serotonin, dopamin and some other chemical in the brain which name I now forget. I started last week, forgot to take it today, put an alarm on my phone to remind me to take it tomorrow and so on. Fingers crossed, prayer in my heart that it will help. He also suggested therapy, which I have done and am a strong believer of, but I don't know a "pro bono" therapist so that will be on the back burner right now.
Thank you all who shared your opinions, ideas, experiences and prayers with me. I am happy to know I have such sweet friends and wish I could hug you all right NOW! On the other hand I feel kinda sad about us all going through this same thing at times. WTH? Wouldn's we all be better moms if we felt "normal"? I guess some day I will find out why we need to go through all of this. I am a firm believer that I will have my space in line to ask HF some serious questions and He will answer. I feel left alone right now BUT I know it won't be like this forever.
Ah blablabla... anyway...
I promised myself I would end this post on a happy note, so to do that what can be better than pictures of Olivia? NADA! So here it comes, enjoy :)
She loves her new tennishoes
Posing for mommy on her 4mo bday last week
Cuddling in her baby carrier up Provo Canyon
She fell asleep...
Then she woke up to check daddy's strong muscles
This picture is blurry, but I love it!
Saturday, April 18, 2009
It Gets Better
I'll be honest with you, the first couple of weeks after having Olivia were tough! At the hospital, I rarely wanted to touch her. I kept looking at her and asking myself "What in the world was I thinking? I can't do this! I can't raise a daughter of God! There is no way! What the heck did I get myself into?"
And then there were some things frustrating me. One of them: my milk barely came. I mean, I had drops at a time. At the hospital poor Olivia was hungry for two days because the nurses wouldn't give me formula and I didn't have much to feed her myself. They brought a hospital pump and after pumping for 10 minutes still nothing came out. Nada! On our last night the nurses finally gave me some formula and told me to feed her 10ml at a time. TEN MILLILITERS! That's not enough, but I didn't know it then. My poor baby was still hungry, and I felt guilty.
My doctor told me it could be because of all the stress my body went through with the c-section and all the meds. He said while most moms get their milk by the third day, I might get mine by the fifth day. So when the fifth day came and went and still no milk, I started to freak out. I REALLY want to breastfeed! That was the plan!! I started taking brewer's yeast, mother's milk plus, my mother was making sure I ate 6 healthy meals a day, lots of fluids, I was stimulating, pumping to try to stimulate even more, I was putting Olivia on the breast at every feeding, I saw three lactation specialists and did everything they told me to... but what am I gonna do when my child starts crying because there is nothing there? Am I going to let her starve? I chose not to. Finally this week, her fourth week in this world, I am starting to accept that breastfeeding is not going to happen. My doctor asked me to relax and enjoy Olivia, he said breastfeeding is not supposed to be stressful or depressing for me or the baby and if it doesn't happen... move on. And even though I cried every day for those first three weeks because of baby blues or whatever, and even though I still cry almost every time I feed her a bottle and not my milk, and even though I am crying now... I think this is my first experience as a mom that is showing me that things don't always go as we planned, as we wanted, as we thought would be best. For some reason it wasn't meant to be that I breastfeed my baby, my first baby, and maybe my only baby. It makes me sad, it makes me feel like a bad mother, it makes me wonder what else in the future I won't be able to do for my daughter... I hope not much!
So anyway, I gotta change the subject to stop the tears...
And so those first three weeks went by. I survived them! My mother, again, and Trevor, have been an incredible support. Without my mother here I don't know what I would have done... I really don't! She massaged my feet and legs many times in the day, she spent the nights with Olivia for those first three weeks so I could sleep, she bathed her, she changed her, she cooked and cleaned and made sure I had less and less reasons to cry, and she did make my days a LOT better each day.
And nowadays I feel better. I think my hormones are going back to normal and I am not too emocional anymore. I look at Olivia and can't imagine loving her one ounce more, and then next thing I know she makes a funny face or noise and, there it is, I CAN indeed love her even MORE! It's amazing!
I am sharing some pictures of her cuz she is just so cute! I love her so much! I can't imagine life without my baby girl!
Thank you, friends, for visiting and posting!
All girly on April 4
Loving the couch on April 5
Two weeks check up on April 6
Sleeping like an angel on April 11
Smiling at grandma on April 13
And then there were some things frustrating me. One of them: my milk barely came. I mean, I had drops at a time. At the hospital poor Olivia was hungry for two days because the nurses wouldn't give me formula and I didn't have much to feed her myself. They brought a hospital pump and after pumping for 10 minutes still nothing came out. Nada! On our last night the nurses finally gave me some formula and told me to feed her 10ml at a time. TEN MILLILITERS! That's not enough, but I didn't know it then. My poor baby was still hungry, and I felt guilty.
My doctor told me it could be because of all the stress my body went through with the c-section and all the meds. He said while most moms get their milk by the third day, I might get mine by the fifth day. So when the fifth day came and went and still no milk, I started to freak out. I REALLY want to breastfeed! That was the plan!! I started taking brewer's yeast, mother's milk plus, my mother was making sure I ate 6 healthy meals a day, lots of fluids, I was stimulating, pumping to try to stimulate even more, I was putting Olivia on the breast at every feeding, I saw three lactation specialists and did everything they told me to... but what am I gonna do when my child starts crying because there is nothing there? Am I going to let her starve? I chose not to. Finally this week, her fourth week in this world, I am starting to accept that breastfeeding is not going to happen. My doctor asked me to relax and enjoy Olivia, he said breastfeeding is not supposed to be stressful or depressing for me or the baby and if it doesn't happen... move on. And even though I cried every day for those first three weeks because of baby blues or whatever, and even though I still cry almost every time I feed her a bottle and not my milk, and even though I am crying now... I think this is my first experience as a mom that is showing me that things don't always go as we planned, as we wanted, as we thought would be best. For some reason it wasn't meant to be that I breastfeed my baby, my first baby, and maybe my only baby. It makes me sad, it makes me feel like a bad mother, it makes me wonder what else in the future I won't be able to do for my daughter... I hope not much!
So anyway, I gotta change the subject to stop the tears...
And so those first three weeks went by. I survived them! My mother, again, and Trevor, have been an incredible support. Without my mother here I don't know what I would have done... I really don't! She massaged my feet and legs many times in the day, she spent the nights with Olivia for those first three weeks so I could sleep, she bathed her, she changed her, she cooked and cleaned and made sure I had less and less reasons to cry, and she did make my days a LOT better each day.
And nowadays I feel better. I think my hormones are going back to normal and I am not too emocional anymore. I look at Olivia and can't imagine loving her one ounce more, and then next thing I know she makes a funny face or noise and, there it is, I CAN indeed love her even MORE! It's amazing!
I am sharing some pictures of her cuz she is just so cute! I love her so much! I can't imagine life without my baby girl!
Thank you, friends, for visiting and posting!
All girly on April 4
Loving the couch on April 5
Two weeks check up on April 6
Sleeping like an angel on April 11
Smiling at grandma on April 13
Letting mommy take pics of her on April 16
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